Don't Touch Pompeii
By Ashonté S. Lyles
If you have been keeping up on the journey of my family chronicled on The Horizon Calls in Destination Diaries—"Cruising the Mediterranean” series, then you know we also went to Pompeii, Italy in September 2023 aboard Royal Caribbean’s Symphony of the Seas. Pompeii and Naples were the final stops on the seven-day cruise before returning to Barcelona, Spain. You can read more about Naples and Pompeii under Destination Diaries "Cruising the Mediterranean” in “Pompeii, Petrified City.”
On this stop we booked an excursion from Royal Caribbean called “The Ruins of Pompeii” to tour Pompeii from 8:15 am to 4 pm, then had the rest of the time in port exploring Naples, Italy. We disembarked and boarded a tour bus to Pompeii, and our tour guide was one wild and crazy guy in the best way possible. None of us ever thought we would be walking in the petrified footsteps of the former residents of Pompeii, and we had no idea what to expect. Our guide, for example, was a solid build, 5’6” Neapolitan man with curly blonde hair. He had a deep tan and wore his shirt unbuttoned, exposing his chest full of curly blonde hair. He ushered our large group onto the buses and we headed to “The Ruins of Pompeii.”
Ever Get Kicked Out of Pompeii?
Have you or anyone you know been kicked out of Pompeii? We almost did! On the bus ride to the ancient city, our tour guide regaled us with stories about the opulence and extravagant, progressive, and technologically advanced city and citizens of Pompeii. Though he is Italian, he reminded me of the actor Geoffrey Lamont Holder’s character in the film “Boomerang,” in the scene where his character pitches his “Fabulous” ad campaign for a perfume called “Afterbirth” for Strangé, an eccentric character played by Grace Jones. Watch this clip – his pitch might make you want to get a bottle of Afterbirth.
Mr. Don't Touch
Our guide’s knowledge and expertise were extensive and the way he went on about the ancient Pompeiians made us all so excited. He prepared us to be wowed and did so in the most elaborate way with so much drama in his tone and gestures, with his curls backlit by the sun glowing like a halo, and chest hair popping. For 45 minutes he got the busload full of guests from around the globe all hyped up, we made a 30-minute pit stop at an artisan jewelry store and museum where they make jewelry from a shell that is locally sourced and amethyst. Our quartet got under our Neapolitan’s skin, well really our duet because my dad and Kimiyo were back on the bus and ready to go, Marlon and I continued our trend of being the last ones on the bus or the ship. It was a tight schedule to visit Pompeii because it is exceedingly busy and of course, we only had so much time in port.
With new hand-made one-of-a-kind jewelry in hand, we got back on the bus and finished the ride to the foot of Mount Vesuvius and on the way, our colorful tour guide continued the hype. As we arrived at the entrance of the park where the tour began, our guide gave us a briefing on prohibited behaviors and items, let us know there were no restrooms until we reached the end of the tour, and briefed us about exactly how the tour would go. He left out one crucial bit of information, don’t touch Pompeii!
With visions of the films ‘Gladiator,’ ‘Pompeii,’ and ‘Troy’ bouncing around in our heads, we entered the park feeling like we were on set in one of these films entering a literal gladiator arena. “Are you not entertained?”
Pompeii is like the Grand Canyon, no video, photo, or painting can do justice to the enormity and impact of being there to witness the testimony of an ancient people in person. None of my four-member crew could resist touching everything that wasn’t roped off or in a case, for the record, neither could most of the tour guests. I wanted to touch history, my dad was just curious about what the walls felt like, Kimiyo was intrigued by everything, but it was Marlon who got our guide’s attention!
We entered the House of Loreius Tiburtinus or more precisely the House of Octavius Quartio the owner of the well preserved house and first I looked at the pigments on the walls, still bright yellows and reds, and immediately ran my hand across the wall nearest me, closing my eyes and imagining the crash of gladiator’s shields and swords. Our guide retelling the history of this house further fueled my father’s and Marlon’s curiosity. Marlon wondered aloud, “What are these walls made of? How is this paint or plaster still this color after a volcano destroyed everything?” Marlon’s other nickname is Bla-Gyver, a reference to the 80’s TV show MacGyver, and he is endlessly curious about how things are made. Both he and my father were touching the walls and inspecting their hands for Vesuvius dust, and then Marlon started slapping the walls, “What is this, how is it still standing,” he asked with a loud slap to the wall.
Our haloed guide yelled, “Don’t Touch! Don’t Touch!” Oops! We were caught, but we didn’t know we could not touch the walls because no one told us and there was no signage or barriers. Everyone turned and looked at us, as our guide shouted a third time, “Don’t touch!” I threw up two thumbs and said, “Got it!” Marlon was like, “My bad dude, I didn’t know.” Respectfully, almost everyone in our group was touching the walls too before that admonishment. We laughed and made sure not to touch anything else left by these ancient people. Our guide continued the tour with a watchful eye on our crew, telling us about how fascinated the citizens of Pompeii were with the penis, yes the penis as in male genitalia!
When you visit Pompeii bring water, sun protection, good walking shoes, a sense of adventure, look out for penis art, and remember “Don’t Touch Pompeii!”
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